Musing the third

Hello again

This post must begin with an apology as I remember stating on the last post here that there would be more regular...they haven't been, Sorry about that...Things have changed...or are in the process of changing...actually, the truth is I have no idea what to do.
I started the PhD about two weeks ago, I have been stressed and depressed since. Went to a gp who could offer very little help other than remembering to breathe when things feel bad...think I've been managing to do that without much help, breathing...its almost automatic...I know she was trying to help but it wasn't. Just made to feel like I was wasting her time.
So the main issues I have with regards to the PhD is that my parents are funding it after I failed to get funding from other sources. When I found out that I'd been unsuccessful with the funding claim I was disappointed naturally, but my parents promised to help anyway after all, I wanted to do the PhD and I'm their only child...that's the issue in a nutshell. I'm not sure whether I do want to do this anymore, its very difficult and will cost an awful amount of money...feel like it would be a waste. as I mentioned I've been depressed and have headed home in order to work out where I go next.

Feels like I'm standing at a cross roads and I don't know which way to go...one way is to carry on with the PhD, use my parents money to finance it, hope I can cope with the depression issues and hope that in the end I get the PhD and then can do something with that...the other way is to stop the PhD, look for a job and hope I don't regret leaving the PhD...in light of this path I have actually applied for a few jobs, so I'll see if anything comes of those...other than that I'm standing at this crossroads hoping somehow that I will work out which is the right path to take...this is all I can write for now, so I will sign off.

Rhi x

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